Day 54 - Ups and downs
Right up until the plane started to roll back from the gate this morning, I wouldn't have been able to tell you with 100% certainty whether or not I was going to Baltimore for Fitbloggin. It's been a rough 24 hours emotionally and I was fairly well convinced that NOT going was the right answer for more than half the time, so it was really a tough battle, but I'm here now, checked into my hotel, and I'm pretty sure I'm glad about it.
You see, when you suffer from depression, it can be difficult to get out of bed and do normal, routine things, much less travel across the country by yourself to a conference where you won't know anyone and where no one's even heard of your blog. Funny thing is that I don't read most of the "big" bloggers who will be attending according to the public attendee list, either, but it's still intimidating because it feels as though I'll be the only little guy here. Of course, I'm sure that's not true, but that's how it feels.
As I stood in the bag claim area at the airport, waiting for my bag, I started thinking about the awesome people who DO read this blog and wishing you were all here with me for moral support. (And also so that you could go on my walk tonight with me!) So I think I'm just going to pretend that you ARE all with me...Ginger in particular because she makes me feel more confident just by reading her...and try to enjoy this experience in spite of myself.
Also? There's a cool, free on-demand offering I'm going to try out tonight: A Good Night from YogaAway. Yes, I'm going to attempt yoga in a hotel room with no mat and no strap and no instructor to tell me how to modify the poses to accommodate my stomach, but who's here to see it if I can't do all of it anyway?
Alright, I think I'm going to try to catch a quick nap then walk the mile over to the Marriott where the conference will be held and find something for dinner over there. Wonder if it's safe to be walking around after dark down here by myself? Hmmmm. Would it be rude to ask the concierge...would it be, like, insulting their city? Cripes, I hate being timid!
You see, when you suffer from depression, it can be difficult to get out of bed and do normal, routine things, much less travel across the country by yourself to a conference where you won't know anyone and where no one's even heard of your blog. Funny thing is that I don't read most of the "big" bloggers who will be attending according to the public attendee list, either, but it's still intimidating because it feels as though I'll be the only little guy here. Of course, I'm sure that's not true, but that's how it feels.
As I stood in the bag claim area at the airport, waiting for my bag, I started thinking about the awesome people who DO read this blog and wishing you were all here with me for moral support. (And also so that you could go on my walk tonight with me!) So I think I'm just going to pretend that you ARE all with me...Ginger in particular because she makes me feel more confident just by reading her...and try to enjoy this experience in spite of myself.
Also? There's a cool, free on-demand offering I'm going to try out tonight: A Good Night from YogaAway. Yes, I'm going to attempt yoga in a hotel room with no mat and no strap and no instructor to tell me how to modify the poses to accommodate my stomach, but who's here to see it if I can't do all of it anyway?
Alright, I think I'm going to try to catch a quick nap then walk the mile over to the Marriott where the conference will be held and find something for dinner over there. Wonder if it's safe to be walking around after dark down here by myself? Hmmmm. Would it be rude to ask the concierge...would it be, like, insulting their city? Cripes, I hate being timid!
Comments
Have a wonderful time Denise - I know you will. And I also vote that it's OK to ask the concierge. It's information s/he might volunteer to you anyway.