Day 40, 223 to go - Getting over it, getting serious

In the last few days, I had come to think that it would be possible for me to get a little "flexible" with my eating program - i.e., eat off program every once in a while - and I've realized that a little freedom can be a dangerous thing. I had a dry (no mayo) turkey sandwich from Panera for dinner last night along with some organic pinto beans, and a banana last night, and this morning my feet are tingling (which we know from our lesson on diabetes yesterday is NOT a good sign). Too many carbs and too many calories. I weighed myself and I'm up nearly four pounds from Sunday...some of that will be water weight because TTOM is coming along any moment now, but there is real weight gain there, too, and it's because I'm not sticking with the program. I'm also not getting enough exercise. Or drinking enough water.

So the question is: am I serious about losing weight and taking better care of myself, or is this just another failed attempt that I can add to the pile? Even if I hadn't lost a pound, I had been feeling so much better since starting this program. My back and hips no longer hurt. Yoga is much easier (less stomach to work around). I don't feel good this morning, though. If I stick with this program faithfully - including the 2,000 calories a week burned through exercise - I will be at my goal weight by my birthday in October (that's the "to go" number in my post titles). I know this for certain. The weight will come off quickly and I will be able to start dealing with weight maintenance instead of weight loss.

But I just don't know if I can stick it. This is the most restrictive diet I've ever done for this long. I tried South Beach and gave up after three days, for instance. And I worry that even if I manage to stick with it another 223 days that this isn't teaching me anything about nutrition or meal planning, both of which I'm going to need if I'm going to maintain this change for the rest of my life. I don't know. I do know, however, that I need to go for a 30 minute walk so that I can start turning the scale around whatever my decision about diet is, so I'll think about it while I'm walking and be back tomorrow.