Day 33, 229 to go - Weigh in #5 and an epiphany
I'm down 0.5 pounds and took off the 0.5 inches I'd gained around my waist last week, so not too terribly exciting but I'll certainly take it.
So, I've been thinking a lot about maintenance lately. You would, too, if you'd already lost and re-gained over 100 pounds several times. Anyway, I'm really giving a lot of thought to how I'm going to make sure this is the last time I have to lose a significant amount of weight. Some of my thoughts I've already shared with you - continuing to make activity a daily part of life, for instance - but I had a break-through moment Friday while I was walking: I will never stop being a disordered eater, I can only become a binge eater in recovery. I'm going to have to deny myself food that I want FOREVER if I want to get and keep this weight off. I'm never going to be able to eat all that I want of foods that I love again. Never stop the world for 20, 30, or 45 minutes while I stuff my face full of food. Never, never, never, EVER again. And I'm both resentful and sad about that, but I'm going to have to learn to live with it because otherwise I'll die. I am diabetic and my mother is both a colon and breast cancer survivor - both diseases have strong ties to extra weight, crappy diet, and lack of exercise - so, if I want to live to get old with TCB and see Alcott graduate from college, I will have to live without binge eating. So I need to get on the phone with the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) people again, tell them that my last referral is not accpeting new patients, get a new referral, and make an appointment to see an eating disorder specialist. And I should get my fabulous new doctor to refer me to the weight loss center she mentioned at our appointment last week. This isn't going to be simple or fast or easy, and I need all of the help I can get.
So, I've been thinking a lot about maintenance lately. You would, too, if you'd already lost and re-gained over 100 pounds several times. Anyway, I'm really giving a lot of thought to how I'm going to make sure this is the last time I have to lose a significant amount of weight. Some of my thoughts I've already shared with you - continuing to make activity a daily part of life, for instance - but I had a break-through moment Friday while I was walking: I will never stop being a disordered eater, I can only become a binge eater in recovery. I'm going to have to deny myself food that I want FOREVER if I want to get and keep this weight off. I'm never going to be able to eat all that I want of foods that I love again. Never stop the world for 20, 30, or 45 minutes while I stuff my face full of food. Never, never, never, EVER again. And I'm both resentful and sad about that, but I'm going to have to learn to live with it because otherwise I'll die. I am diabetic and my mother is both a colon and breast cancer survivor - both diseases have strong ties to extra weight, crappy diet, and lack of exercise - so, if I want to live to get old with TCB and see Alcott graduate from college, I will have to live without binge eating. So I need to get on the phone with the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) people again, tell them that my last referral is not accpeting new patients, get a new referral, and make an appointment to see an eating disorder specialist. And I should get my fabulous new doctor to refer me to the weight loss center she mentioned at our appointment last week. This isn't going to be simple or fast or easy, and I need all of the help I can get.
Comments
Blessigs for increasingly satisfying weeks.