The one in which I reappear after a long absence and tell you that I've had an amazing realization

Saturday morning. Wowser, this week has just flown by! With all of the social obligations plus work reaching a fever pitch, I just haven't even thought about doing anything other than getting up, going to work, going to a party, then coming home and falling asleep. (Repeat as necessary.)

Anyway, you didn't come here to listen to me whine about how I'd really just like a day so that I could get things done, so here's the poop on my fabulous realization: my health isn't a priority for me. OK, before you all scream "DUH, Denise" in unison, let me explain what I mean. It came about while I was at a Junior League training on Time Management. The leader was talking about the need to decide what was important to you before trying to organize your day because you must make sure that your "to do" is aligned (as much as possible) with what's important. I didn't think much of it at the time other than to jot myself a note to think about this more when I had time. After I got home, I was idly asking myself about priorities and started to name mine off inside my head: family, TCB, Alcott and the kids, my health. It hit me nearly immediately that my health was pretty far down on the list. I then thought about what my priorities have been when I've been really successful in leading a healthy life: family and my health pretty much tied. Of course, I never had a boyfriend when I was going great gangbusters with the health thing and I definitely never had anything like Alcott in my life. So, essentially, when there's nothing in my life but me, I'm easily able to make my health the top priority, become myopically obsessed with every detail of my healthy lifestyle, and have amazing results. Then, when I add other things to the list, they all quickly move ahead of my health and I regain all of the weight I've lost along with dumping all of my healthy habits in favor of doing things with my higher priority items (in this case, TCB and Alcott).

I've thought a lot about it since then and it truly is that simple. I'm not sabotaging myself for a man, I'm not letting myself go because I want to test his devotion, I just deprioritize myself and stop doing what I need to do. Wow. Again, I'm sure many of you are slapping your heads and wondering how I can be so excited about such an obvious realization but, honestly, this really is the first time I've made this connection.

I'm honestly not sure where to go with this but I've got an appointment with Dr. Angelique (my eating disorder therapist) on Wednesday and I'm going to share with her. I know that I can't toss TCB and Alcott to the curb so that I can get obsessive about my health and I know that I can't keep shoving my health down on the priority list, either, or else I soon won't be here for them, either. No, I'm not sure what to do, but at least I know what I'm facing, and that's a very comforting realization indeed.