This just isn't working for me
Friday morning. I've tried, really, I have, but it's like when someone tells you not to think about oranges and suddenly the only thing you can think about is oranges. Not writing about something that is so central to my life (at least at this point in my life) just feels forced - forced and wrong. I have enough things to do without having to try to find things other than this struggle to write about, so I'm not going to fight it anymore.
I'm going to keep the comments turned on, too, and just ask that no one tell me I'm overreacting or minimize what I'm talking about here. You are all entitled to your opinions about what I write, but this is, in the end, my journal about my thoughts and feelings, so please respect that and don't tell me to, in essence, "get over it" because this is a fight for my life - literally - and it's very hard to want this so much yet not be willing (for whatever reason) to do something about it. I cannot say strongly enough how much this upsets me, and so you're going to read a lot of soul searching, a lot of questioning of why the suffering I'm going through doesn't seem to be enough to get me to do what I need to do. I'll ask you to please resist the urge to tell me that "it's all going to be OK" because I'm not sure that it will be and you can't possibly know that, either.
Finally, a small matter but one which is very important to me. I try to respond to each comment I receive, no matter how much it might upset me. This is something that's very important to me because, if someone is going to give of their time and thought to communicate to me, they deserve to know that I've received their comment and appreciate their effort. From now on, however, if you don't have your email address associated with your Blogger account, if I don't have it already in my archives, or if you don't include it in the body of your comment, I won't be able to respond to you. I've been taking hours every week to research email addresses for "no reply" and "anonymous" commenters and, while I will still read and appreciate your thoughts, I just don't have the time to spend digging around for a way to respond.
I'm going to keep the comments turned on, too, and just ask that no one tell me I'm overreacting or minimize what I'm talking about here. You are all entitled to your opinions about what I write, but this is, in the end, my journal about my thoughts and feelings, so please respect that and don't tell me to, in essence, "get over it" because this is a fight for my life - literally - and it's very hard to want this so much yet not be willing (for whatever reason) to do something about it. I cannot say strongly enough how much this upsets me, and so you're going to read a lot of soul searching, a lot of questioning of why the suffering I'm going through doesn't seem to be enough to get me to do what I need to do. I'll ask you to please resist the urge to tell me that "it's all going to be OK" because I'm not sure that it will be and you can't possibly know that, either.
Finally, a small matter but one which is very important to me. I try to respond to each comment I receive, no matter how much it might upset me. This is something that's very important to me because, if someone is going to give of their time and thought to communicate to me, they deserve to know that I've received their comment and appreciate their effort. From now on, however, if you don't have your email address associated with your Blogger account, if I don't have it already in my archives, or if you don't include it in the body of your comment, I won't be able to respond to you. I've been taking hours every week to research email addresses for "no reply" and "anonymous" commenters and, while I will still read and appreciate your thoughts, I just don't have the time to spend digging around for a way to respond.
Comments
~danelle
You are also right that no one else can truly understand what it is you are feeling. I only hope that you will find what you need inside yourself and that maybe some of us can help influence that if only by encouraging you with kindness.
I will be here to celebrate your successes and give you a shoulder to cry on when things are not so rosy...
I love you and I am so looking forward to your next post!
I'm so glad you aren't censoring yourself anymore. If you can't write about the bad stuff on your own journal, where in the heck are you supposed to do it? And I'll resist being Miss Pollyanna and not be a gooey optimistic person...cause I should know myself that it just isn't the truth all the time :)
I'll be sticking around here through thick and thin!
Been thinking about you. Hope you are well and happy!!
xx island girl
agurney@clara.co.uk