Nothing to see here
[OK, this is now, officially, a weight drama free zone. It's clear to me that sharing my freaking out is not something I can do here any more, so that will move to my other site where only one person other than me will read it and that person is where I am on the journey so they won't freak out. This site will be my "everything other than weight loss and health" place for a while, until I can return to light, fluffy writing about my happy journey to better health. It's either that or disable the comments and I hate doing that, so this is my compromise.
Did you know that several of yesterday's comments actually made me cry? Yes, that's right, kids, I'm a human being. I know it's tempting, when reading one of these things, to think that we're all just characters in some tele-drama, but I'm real, and when I write that I can feel myself slipping back into the Hell that was my life 10 months ago it's not me being hysterical, it's because - and here's the crazy part - that's how I'm feeling! To think that people actually have the gall to write comments that, in essence, invalidate the way I'm feeling when they're not here...well, that just makes me feel sick to my stomach. I actually thought about getting rid of this site entirely, but I love it and I love most of the people who visit my thoughts here, so it's staying with a few changes.]
Friday morning. Yesterday was a wonderful day. I left work early to pick Alcott up for an important visit. While he was visiting, I got to sit and think (and watch the visit from a distance) and I realized how lucky I am to have him in my life. Yes, he's a teenager and sometimes his (apparent) lack of enthusiasm hurts me, but then he'll share something with me that's so personal and important to him and I'll realize that I am important to him, that I do make a difference, and that his life is better because I'm in it. I can't tell you how that feels. For a girl who's always wavered on her own importance, that feeling is Nirvana.
Junior League is coming along nicely, too. The Placement Fair, where all members are placed on the committee/council assignments that they'll have for the next year, is in a few weeks and I'll be meeting with my Placement Advisor next week. I'm pretty much decided on SPAC - the political action committee of the League - but the Training and Finance committees sound pretty interesting, too. I know, I'm a freak because I'm going for all of the serious stuff when most girls are queueing up for the event planning gigs. Well, what can I say? I want to make a difference and I'm just not the party planning girl right now. Perhaps next year. Besides, there's lots of competition for the "fun" committees and it will be easy to get on all of the committees I'm interested in. Ha!
School starts up next week and I have a 5-7 page paper due on the first night of class. Any guesses as to when I will start that paper? Well, in the sense that I've got to do all of the first night's readings before I can even start writing, I will "start" on it over the weekend, but I'll be very surprised if the writing portion begins before Tuesday night (it's due Wednesday night).
Did you know that several of yesterday's comments actually made me cry? Yes, that's right, kids, I'm a human being. I know it's tempting, when reading one of these things, to think that we're all just characters in some tele-drama, but I'm real, and when I write that I can feel myself slipping back into the Hell that was my life 10 months ago it's not me being hysterical, it's because - and here's the crazy part - that's how I'm feeling! To think that people actually have the gall to write comments that, in essence, invalidate the way I'm feeling when they're not here...well, that just makes me feel sick to my stomach. I actually thought about getting rid of this site entirely, but I love it and I love most of the people who visit my thoughts here, so it's staying with a few changes.]
Friday morning. Yesterday was a wonderful day. I left work early to pick Alcott up for an important visit. While he was visiting, I got to sit and think (and watch the visit from a distance) and I realized how lucky I am to have him in my life. Yes, he's a teenager and sometimes his (apparent) lack of enthusiasm hurts me, but then he'll share something with me that's so personal and important to him and I'll realize that I am important to him, that I do make a difference, and that his life is better because I'm in it. I can't tell you how that feels. For a girl who's always wavered on her own importance, that feeling is Nirvana.
Junior League is coming along nicely, too. The Placement Fair, where all members are placed on the committee/council assignments that they'll have for the next year, is in a few weeks and I'll be meeting with my Placement Advisor next week. I'm pretty much decided on SPAC - the political action committee of the League - but the Training and Finance committees sound pretty interesting, too. I know, I'm a freak because I'm going for all of the serious stuff when most girls are queueing up for the event planning gigs. Well, what can I say? I want to make a difference and I'm just not the party planning girl right now. Perhaps next year. Besides, there's lots of competition for the "fun" committees and it will be easy to get on all of the committees I'm interested in. Ha!
School starts up next week and I have a 5-7 page paper due on the first night of class. Any guesses as to when I will start that paper? Well, in the sense that I've got to do all of the first night's readings before I can even start writing, I will "start" on it over the weekend, but I'll be very surprised if the writing portion begins before Tuesday night (it's due Wednesday night).
Comments
Annie @ anniede.blogdrive.com
Coming and spilling is just that. Every single thought and feeling that you have is real. Yes sometimes they fade and sometimes you are able to come out the other side and see that when the hurricane dies down maybe in retrospect you were stronger than you thought. That doesn't mean the deperation and fear are not real. Sending you warm cuddly hugs! Go out and enjoy some of this sunshine today!! Try not to smash too many butterflies on your drive :o)
PS Is your windshield covered in yellow butterflies remains. It pinches my heart everytime I hit one. Darn migration!
Smiles and Hugs!
Ang
Keep the faith. ^j^
P.S. -- you will always be my friend, and one of my best inspirations, at 145 pounds or at 262. I hope you know that.
Whatever you decide to write (or not write) about, I'll be here reading. Thank you, as always, for your sharing honesty, your eloquence and your heart with us.
Kris
And as for Alcott? I think it's 'uncool' at his age to look to enthused :) My nearly 13 y/o van be just the same!
I just wanted to tell you that you are what motivated me to start a blog and focus on the diet in the first place, you were my first read and i'll always be grateful. maybe this funk will pass, or maybe not, just know that we are all out *here* somewhere, loving you just as you are.